why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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