Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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