I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
