Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
