they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize