I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
