well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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