the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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