Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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