Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
