forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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