Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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