I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
