i just had sex bonerless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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