Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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