He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
