I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
