I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
