perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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