Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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