You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
