are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
