i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
