I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The adults are the big ones right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize