i think my tv is drunk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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