How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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