I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
