i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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