I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize