yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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