I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
