Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
