i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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