Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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