And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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