I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
