I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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