Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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