Who wears a wallet chain?!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
