my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
