Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
