Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My feet surprised me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
