thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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