Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
