so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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