did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
