Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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