Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We have so much sex to catch up on
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
