When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
