Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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