I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize