It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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