I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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