like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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