I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
