Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
