Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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