no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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