you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
